hajj, the greater pilgrimage

so much to prepare, before we embark on hajj, from coats for the girls to brave that central valley california winter, to a last will and testament, to life insurance in the event we don't return, to a reliable substitute teacher to cover my kindergarten classroom for seven days. not to mention the inner preparations we have begun. i found the following advice recently and it captured the seriousness of what we are embarking on so i'll just quote it as it and say no more:

"Perhaps the most comprehensive statement ever made concerning this inward dimension of hajj was made by Junayd al-Baghdadi, the great 3rd century faqih and sufi.

A man came to visit Junayd and Junayd asked him where he had come from. He replied that he had just returned from hajj. Junayd said to him, "From the time you left your home did you also leave behind all wrong action?" "No," replied the man. "Then you never really left at all. At every stop you made on the way, did you also advance another stage on the path to Allah?" "No," came the reply. "Then you did not really make the journey. When you put on your ihram at the miqat, did you discard the attributes of selfhood as you took off your ordinary clothes?" "No." "Then you did not really take on ihram. When you did tawaf of the Ka'ba, did you witness the beauty of Allah in the abode of purification?" "No, I did not," said the man. "Then you did not really do tawaf. When you did sa'y between Safa and Marwa did you reach the rank of safa (purity) and muruwwa (virtue)?" "No." "Then you did not really do sa'y. When you went out to Mina did your muna (desires) cease?" No, they did not." "Then you never really went to Mina. When you stood on 'Arafa did you experience even a single moment of ma'rifa (direct knowledge) of Allah?" "No." "Then you did not really stand on 'Arafa. When you stayed the night at Muzdalifa did you renounce your love of this world?" No, I did not." "Then you did not really stay at Muzdalifa. When you stoned the Jamra, did you cast away from yourself everything that stands between you and your Lord." "No." "Then you did not really do the stoning. When you made your sacrifice, did you offer up your lower self to Allah?" "Then you did not really make a sacrifice and the truth is that you have not properly performed hajj at all. Return and do the hajj again in the manner I have described so that you may finally truly attain to the Maqam of Ibrahim.""

i pray that our hajj is accepted and peace be upon the Prophet of ALLah and on his companions, and family, for ever and ever and always

so close and yet... worlds away

little person in my class speaks Mam a dialect of the Maya language. he knows about four words in spanish and no words in english. one of my former students who speaks that language came and translated for me today. but i'm not sure if they speak the same dialect yet, although there seems to be some overlap. all i can think of is pyramids and horticulture. the cosmic serpent and the squirrel-like monkey that carried the messages from celestial beings in the heavens to the pyramids via a skyway umbilical cord. a calendar accurate to tens of thousands of years, no leap year needed. superior ancient technologies. this little boy carries the seed of his ancestors knowledge in his inquisitive eyes. my hope is that when our worlds meet, they do not crash.

sosil and jaye

moving whirlwind captures home and sends spiralling through dimensional wormhole. occupants find themselves light years away from the familiar blue collar suburbia of hayward california and thrust into a whole new reality where there is no empty place upon which to put their feet. every step is tense with the mystery of the unknown. dare they venture to the dentist office in the early morning hours? what will the x-rays tell? dr ghassemi revels in the horror of gums weakened from lack of flossing. and by flossing i am not referring to making money. afterward we drift haphazardly through an innerspace of oakland detritus only to land in a small room with a grubby white counter, no, not mcdonald's, APM affordable property management in union city to sign a year's lease to our new three bedroom apartment. under no circumstances must we let them know that we are clean, honest, and punctual tenants they must continue to view us as suspicious islamofascists. do not mistake this for complaining. i am too tired to complain. soon we will have all of the space we need and filipino neighbors named sosil and jaye. chicken adobo is my middle name. there are some clothes that are too small to be worth folding. signing off now and to quote, "go easy, and if you can't go easy, go as easy as you can."

flamingo or snail

my three year old made a drawing today and couldn't decide if it was a flamingo or a snail. then when i googled "flamingo and snail" i found this picture of a flamingo tongue snail and it really resembled her drawing.

perfect teeth

after you have lost them all
continue living for
several decades
then
appearing one by one
within the frame
of your hardened gums
prickling your tongue
there
tiny fish teeth
a hundred
and twenty year old
smile

G-dubalya

i don't think its effective to criticize someone with such a difficult job. i mean it's impossible to please everyone. so why am i posting this? because mr G-dubalya should be allowed by his cabinet to speak his own mind rather than the agenda of the shadowy figures behind him that have prohibited him from opening his mouth. what america needs is a real heart to heart with this man. why should we be left without a hearfelt and sincere explanation of events in truth as they are rather than in doublespeak mode? what has he got to lose? what have we got to lose? until mr G-dubalya opens up to the american people we will all be under the same impression as the native american people of a bygone era "white man speak with forked tongue". mr G-dubalya please tell us what is troubling you, tell us your personal hopes, dreams, aspirations. we promise not to laugh or disrespect you. you are our leader and we will be as fair to you as you have been to us.

watermelon and sage

sweet berkeley bowl watermelon at 19 cents a pound, sitting there on the fron t seat of my van while jennah is in the very last row asking for french fries, chicken nuggets, and apple juice. we give in to her desire because it's close to her bedtime and she'll probably fall asleep on the ride from berkeley back home to hayward, it's already 9pm. our friends brought back a duffle bag stuffed with goodies from morocco, hand made takshetas (formal traditional gowns) in every possible shade for our three year old, with matching brocade belts and aladdin like slippers for each dress. french coffee, sage and lemon vervaine, a qamijsha for me with matching bilgha (men's leather slippers) and many many caftans (hand stitched from luxurious cloths and delicately embrodiered) for my wife and a couple of pairs of french pumps for her as well. israa got the same exact clothing as jennah but scaled down to her nearly one year old body with tiny ballet like slippers that are tied upwards around the ankle and calf, dazzling to the eye with sequins in pale oranges and opalescent turquoise. perfumes, jewelery, pearls, and buttered ghee called simmin an aged butter seasoned with sage, that is used in ramadan to garnish the preferred or staple component of every meal- herrera- ahhhh. albany is such a cold stretch of prime real estate. always 3 or 4 degrees colder than north oakland or south berkeley. a damp cold, molds growing everywhere and dramatic drops in temperature at sunset and daybreak. time to decide whether or not its worth the risk to eat pakistani take out left overs at 11:30 pm.
decisions decisions. peace.

rub al khali

this is rub al khali, the empty quarter, a mysterious and impenetrable space. it exists on the arabian penninsula and is only navegable by a few bedouin families who have passed its secrets down through the generations. satellites, flying craft, atv's, technology, is useless here. and it is said that the mahdi will come from this place, that he is hidden there.

morning coffee nihilism

if you were puerto rican you would know how important a small cup of expresso was. just enough boiled over milk to turn the coffee a mulatto brown, cafe con leche, the color of our diverse and inclusive complexion. but, alas, my mom is no longer making the coffee here and no one is invited to that exclusive coffee boutique called mama's kitchen this morning. being so far away in the manifold cultural haven of union new jersey, so far away from hayward california it makes me want to take a drive and curse at moronic west coast drivers in southern italian and portuguese. the girls are still sleeping at 8:02 am i can expect about another 1/2 hour of silence. the vacuum made by the absence of mom and her coffee cannot be filled. i am at one with the void.

moving all over the place

the apartment is like post katrina, everyone's asleep and totally exhausted. we ate pakistani biryani and tikka food today it was beautifully hot and the mango lassi quenched the fire. discovered a new minimal taste for the summer the tall coffee flavored frappuccino with no whipped cream. i'm planning to get in shape again someday eventually if i live much longer. both of my daughters resemble napoleon bonaparte at the age of eleven months. everything makes me sad and fills me with pathos, everything gives me hope and fills me with joy. everything makes me distrustful of politicians and their agendas, everything makes me contemplate a supernatural solution to this amoral, secular decadence. all of my education has only given me a fear of speaking my mind. of saying what i really think and feel. i feel like death and violence is a cop out and that human beings are selling their humanity to be worse than animals. i see gross mutation happening everywhere and not evolution. evolution is hidden and happens only on a spiritual plane unseen by the naked eye. of only we would take responsibility for ourselves none of these atrocities could be committed in our name.

an uncertain peace of mind...